Team Awesome - Android App Review

Good Game, or is it?

So, yeah, haven't been writing in a while because I nearly have got to The Necromancer Boss on Castle Crashers, and we all know how epic THAT is. So anyway, I was messing around on my tablet when I remembred my blog, and since this app has been voted the best free app by The Daily Mail I am going to review it.

So the story is these two guys were in a bathroom when a giant crystal fell on one, giving him evil powers while the other one fell down the toilet, also giving him evil powers. Yeah, sounds childish, but it is a Kids App. We all know how annoying kids are.

So then the game starts, and apparently you are this superhero named... ? The game dosen't tell you, no backstory on this guy. But since kids are dumb then you can expect they think kids are just gonna go like "Duh Huh, superheroes! Wow!" Anyway, you have to destroy some robots and collect coins, and crystals.

But you know the crystals? Three things. First, if you don't collect them a meter ticks down, and when empty you randomly blow up. No story to this. Secondly, if your colour blind and think red is blue and blue is red, you are instantly screwed. If you don't look carefully, you run into a red one which drains your health!

Lastly, the name bugs me. "Awesomeranium Crystals." What, is that where they mine the ingredients for meth? Anyway, they seriously stick that word awesome in everything. The title, powerups, narration, mission breifing, everything!

And speaking of that... the narration makes me want to brake the screen. It literally dosen't have one quote which dosen't have the word "awesome" in it. This annoys the living crap out of me, and here is some of the quotes. Also, some of them don't even make sense.

• I like mine with a dose of awesome!
• Awesome!
• That was half Awesome!
• Not good, but awesome!

Sounds nice to be complimented, but eventually it will make you rip your hair off. How would you like it, playing a game and the narration wouldn't shut up? It even just says that at random in the middle of the game to put you off. Yes kids, this is one of them apps that think people under eighteen say "Rad, cool, awesome, Radical, nice, werd up, etc." And just because you name a game with the word awesome in it dosen't mean you can infuriate me by saying it 24/7!!!

Atleast you get to knock over mr.fullofhimself when hes posing at the end of each level. And you get one coin for everytime you do, so what is this, some way to control peoples anger as the makers are not responsible for cracked, punched screens?

And the bosses...  man the suck. All of them are the same as the last - dodge their crystals, grab an Awesomeranium Crystal, then jump to attack. It never changes. The boss attack patterns are boring and will make  you go to sleep after two minutes. Yeah, Castle Crasher's bosses were with repeated attack patterns, but atleast they were un-predictable! This game, you can predict it right after the second damn boss!

And the lines the bosses say... man they make me mad. They are even more annoying than the narration, that is saying something. They always teach a stupid moral to kids, like "Brush after every meal!" and, "Flossing time!" Which proves the developers think kids are iresponsible.

Okay... finally, the enemies. Not strategies for fighting these, just run into them... boring as hell, right? There, I am done. No wonder it's free, it sucks! Now, there are the rare speicies of Clever-mon-kidatum (The Latin scientific word for smart kids), like me, and if your one of them I salute you.

But then theres the chubby dumbos who smoke Heroine all day, around a demonic Pillagrim playing this crap. If you are one of them, enjoy your sentence in hell.